Dealing with Affairs  

 Dealing with Affairs or Infidelity

There are some typical patterns that often appear, regardless of the specific situation. These common points apply to both the person having an affair and for the partner.

The party having an affair will often Keep the affair "secret and separate" from the rest of his/her life. They compartmentalize their lives and keep their family and the other party separate in their own mind—as if each in its own world and with nothing to do with the other.

The "victim" party will often feel crushed, humiliated and in pain.  These are always natural reactions to learning about the spouse's affair, regardless of whether there were prior suspicions.

Party having an affair will generally deny an affair and not want to communicate about the affair once it's discovered. There seems to be an unwritten rule  "Never tell. If questioned, deny it. If caught, say as little as possible."

The victim party will struggle through a difficult time trying to understand how and why it happened. It just doesn't "make sense and they have to try rtionalize it.  But affairs are not based on being rational.  However,  people having affairs tend to "rationalize" their behavior in order to feel OK about themselves.

Person having an affair on the other hand wants to "put it behind them and instead of dealing with it and trying to work through it, they ignore it.

The spouse in pain will often suffer pain and even physical side effects due to poor diet or stress in dealing with the pain and loss.

Howeve, the problem is not going away and both if wanting to find a quick/easy solution to the upheaval caused by the affair, should consider seeing a therapist or counsellor for help to help get over the pain of the situation and rebuilding trust. Some factors that make a difference are: willingness to answer questions, hanging in through the inevitable emotional impact, and severing contact with the third party. These usually indicate a willingness to resolve this issue instead of trying to bury it alive, where it just keeps coming back.

The question arises as to how to prevent a future affair and basically there is no simple one-time action that can provide protection. Preventing an affair in the future requires a commitment to ongoing honest communication.

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Dealing with Affairs